Dealing with Situational Depression
I am not going to lie, the last few months have been very difficult for me. My boyfriend, who I genuinely thought I would spend the rest of my life with, broke up with me right before a big trip, I had just started a new job and was dealing with some family issues.
By now, three months after the breakup and more than four months into my new job, I feel more lost and confused than ever when I thought, at this point, I would feel better. I am normally a very self-motivating, ‘go get em’ kind of person. I fill my days with activities, see friends and stay busy, while also staying very balanced like waking up and going to bed early.
But recently, I’ve wanted to curl under my covers and not come out. I have really been beating myself up for not being my bright, pop out of bed, the world is beautiful, kind of girl. But over this Thanksgiving holiday, I realized that it’s ok that I don’t want to pack my days and distract myself. The pain and sadness I feel is totally real and often times gut-wrenching (aka I may or may not cry in public…a lot!! LOL), but the only way to come out of this stronger is to just sit with it. No distractions, just my thoughts and feelings. It’s ok that I am totally confused about my career and immensely sad about the loss of my partner from my life. That’s a REAL LOSS, by the way. Someone you were building a life with and talked about everything is suddenly gone and it’s cray shocking…sometimes we actually don’t process that. We don’t realize that we have to mourn, go through the pain and live in it.
As an introvert, I get very drained from being around people all of the time so it’s not in my nature to be inclined to hang out with friends when faced with situational depression like this. The way I recover and rejuvenate from being overwhelmed with my thoughts and emotions are days full of reading, writing, running. taking a hot bath with salts and cooking good food. So I’ve tried to be more gentle and understanding with myself. If I want to sleep in, I will. If I can’t muster enough energy to work out for an hour every morning, I won’t. If I don’t have the energy to book every night with dinners, meetings and work events, that’s ok. But I am taking little incremental steps to make sure I am growing through all of this. Yoga for one has been a blessing. Just delicately stretching has released so much tension and anxiousness in my body. Meditation has also been super helpful. There are days when it feels like I am getting nowhere, and there are days where meditating gives me such a release, I literally start crying and feel light on my feet, and more clear headed during the day. I make sure I get enough sleep as well, and have been trying to get back into my 10pm bedtime, 5am wakeup rhythm. Sleep and water are the biggest healers!! Seriously!!
I know with time, everything fades and this sadness will too. Memories fade, confusion fades and the triggers that make you sad, fades softly away. But it’s important to give yourself the grace and honesty you deserve when going through something like this (and usually, like me, it’s not just one thing but a bunch - as they say, when it rains it pours!!). We are not all perfect, I know it will take a long time to move past where I currently am at. And that’s ok.